Bang...Bang!

Well for many of you that don't know my wife has recently become interested in hand guns. And I'm a little concerned about the rapid mood change that has taken her since the procurement of the fire arm. She took me out shooting the other day with our friends the Thomas family to show off her new toy. Below are some commented pictures of the events:

(Michelle) "See that little bunny over there....I hate bunnies!"

(Jake) "Man she doesn't like bunnies"

(Matt) "Ahhh SNAP!"

(Michelle) "Reload my gun Foo!!"

(Jake) "?"

(Michelle) "That target reminds me of you Jake"

(Michelle) "Jake go stand out there by those targets we just laid out"

(Matt) "Did she just say to go out there by the targets?"

(Jake) "You want me to do what?"

(Michelle) "Just do it!!"

(Jake) "OK, so why am I out here again?"

(Michelle) "Bawk like a chicken...I said Bawk like a chicken Foo!!"

(Matt) "hehe,....hmmmm?"



(Matt) "And while your at it...Bark like a Dog!"

After that things went down hill to say the least. All in all it was an interesting outing. I just never new that she had such an obsession with guns. But she is from the south and you know how them hillbillies can be when they get around guns. All I can say is I'm glad the south lost the war!

Well I hope everyone enjoyed. This should hold you over for another 8 months. (LOL)

Somthing is in the works....stayed tooned!

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving all. I know it has been a while since I last posted but I found keeping ones blog up is a lot like making love…It’s good to take brakes, so that when it happens again your reminded of how much you enjoy the ride. I do admit though that some of us enjoy it differently than others…am I right Master-Debater.

Being that the holiday is near I thought I would use this podium (my blog) to share some information about the holiday bird to help put everyone in the thanksgiving spirit. That’s right it’s a Turkey and I know some of you are questioning the accuracy of my sketch. So to put your curiosities to rest “YES TURKEYS HAVE EARS!!!!” I know a lot about this stuff… and in preparing for this blog I have learned that turkeys have evolved faster and further than any other fowl on the planet in the last 15 years. The Discovery channel has this series called “Turkey Week” That truly is amazing. They have documented recordings of turkeys using English words intertwined in their Gobble Gobbles… crazy isn’t it. They have traced this spike in the turkeys evolution back to a place in Wyoming. They believe that a herd of turkeys came across an old discarded Nintendo that had a working copy of the game Contra (a video game where two men use extremely powerful weapons to wipe out an alien race that threatens their humanity.) they call this day I.D.O.I.T. (Independence Day Of Ignorant Turkeys, November 17, 1991). It wasn’t long before turkeys began hunting in packs and thus the development of the turkey farms. (a concentration camp where the young birds are brain washed to stunt their learning about their full potential.) The food industry felt they had thwarted the turkey revolution and where on the verge of purging the world of the last few FTF’s (Fanatic Turkey Factions.) But then something happened that no one saw coming, 3 years ago it is believed that a group of FTF’s came across a MODDED XBOX (an XBOX which has been reconstructed internally making it vastly superior in its capabilities compared to that of a normal XBOX) and two weeks ago this footage was taken on one of the hunting channels.

What your witnessing is footage of a hunter about to ambush an unsuspecting turkey.

As soon as the hunter jumped out to take his shot the bird flipped around and in a matter of seconds a cannon immerged from his chest like some bionic third arm...

PLEASE BE ADVISED THE CONTENTS OF THE FOLLOWING FOOTAGE IS GRAPHIC IN NATURE AND NOT FIT FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 21...

Notict the slant in his eyes and the conviction on his face...this bird was hunting him. Notice the FTF war cry!

It is believed that the turkeys reverse engineered the modded xbox and used this newly acquired knowledge to re-engineer there physical bodies into WTF (Walking Turkey Fighters). So the next time someone says "WTF!" you will know what they are talking about!

I would like to end this blog with a poem that will probably sit with you a little differently now that you know the current state of the turkey.

"I’m a big, fat turkey you can’t have my head. I’ll sit with you at dinner we’ll eat duck instead." (The Gobbler, 2005, head of FTF organiztion)

You Asked For It

I have decided that for the next couple of weeks I'm going to post a picture or two of friends and family members with some personal comments as to our relationship. The stated picture and or comments will either show my gratitude to your commitment to the DEWZER or the DEWZERS disappointment in your lack of comments.

So the first picture to talk about is of a friend of mine Mr. Big (Scott Jenkins) Why he calls himself that is still unknown to this day. I met Mr. Big on the Trek of getting my degree in electrical engineering. He too is an electrical engineer and someone whom I consider one of my good friends; a life-r some may say. But to this day he has yet to comment in my blog and for that reason I must post this picture!

At first glance you might think I was posting a picture of Mr. Big going to the bathroom, but what you don't understand is that Mr. Big does not go to the bathroom, Mr. Big.......TINKLES! That's right, he could be standing with a group of 20 buisness men talking about something extremely professional, and then he would say "Excuse me...but I have to go TINKLE!". Now that just aint right.

Sorry Mr. Big we both know that I rode your coat-tails through college, but you should have commented in the blog, cuz I know you read it, I mean who wouldn't read this thing...this shiz is funny. (I'll bet you didnt know I had this picture)

So note to all...start commenting, cuz remember "watch out for that dogs bite... its a DEWZER!"

This Is My Happy Face!

I am under the impression that the only people that read this blog are those that already know me. And so I would like to ask you a question. “What word or words would you use if asked to describe Jake Taft?”. Now you don’t need to answer that because I already know the answer…and how do I know the answer to that question one might ask? Because who knows Jake Taft better then Jake Taft himself! So words that describe myself are:

Super Funny
Not afraid to make fun of himself
Kind of a Goofy/Handsome kinda-sorta type person.
Tall
Life of the Party type of guy!

Ya, that about sums it up. But what you don’t see in the above descriptions is anything that would leave one to believe that I am;

Unhappy person
Constantly Mad
Upset with the world
Angry at everyone
Frustrated with everything

But yet too this day I have friends, family and co-workers that ask why I am not a happier person or why I don’t have a smile on my face. I have thought a lot about the issue, and after much deliberation have come to the conclusion that none of you know what you are talking about and that you are all miss reading my demeanor and or facial expressions. So in an effort to help you all get a better read of the kind of mood I am in. I have provided some pictures of myselft that should help you decipher the look on my face and then link it too the type of mood I am in at any given time. (See photos below)

(notice the slight 15 degree slant in the eyebrows, that's a dead give away)

(the tell is in the moisture in my tear ducts. It is as though they are little dams holding back an outpour of emotional distress)

(It’s the sparkle in my eye…see it….see it… It's their)

(this one is the hardest, but notice a skip in my step and the sweet melody in my voice. And NO it's not a Clogging type skip!)

Now that I have supplied everyone with a blueprint of my emotions there should be no more questions as to the mood I am in.

In closing I have to say that I’m alittle dissabpointed with the comments I have received thus far on my first two blogs. Not with any of the actual comments made, but rather with the lack of comments made by those I consider my friends and family. So to those that have not made it a habit to comment on my blog I would like to leave you with this quote from Homer Simpson. “Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever did suck!” (to see or make a comment just click on the comments link below)

"U" remember Perro Loco

My company is doing a project called the Block U, we are redoing the lighting on the “U” up on the hill (The one the University of Utah lights up during sporting events).
So one day while working I hear something growl behind me. I turn around and it’s a stray dog, the dog is about 5 feet away and never gets much closer and after a few seconds turns around and runs off. After the dog leaves one of my co-workers asks if I was afraid he would bite? I told him “No” and began to explain why.
See over 10 years ago I served a religious mission in Argentina, and in that part of the world it wasn’t uncommon to have a dog for every other house in the area. Now some of the dogs were nice but most where not, and it didn’t take long to learn the techniques needed for survival against the different dog types. (Dog types and techniques are listed below.)

(Type I) Noise Makers: These are the dogs that like to bark at you from a distance but have no intention of hurting you. The simple act of bending over and reaching for the rock will usually make the dog start its quick retreat.

(Type II) Space Invaders:
They are called as such because they like to get into your comfort zone (10’ radius around you) When dealing with Space Invaders you have to actually pick the rock up and throw it at the dog with the intent to hit it.

(Type III) Kickers:
Kickers are named after the technique used against them. These dogs want and will bite you if given the chance. With kickers one must be ready and willing to Drop Kick the dogs head as hard as you can. If the technique is correctly executed the dog will without doubt turn and run away.

Thru 18 months of my mission the above stated techniques worked flawlessly in protecting me from the hundreds of dogs that roamed the streets. At least until I ran into the one dog that didn’t fit the profiles. Me and a native companion where walking down a street when from about 15’ out a dog walks out from behind a bush and start b-lining it toward me and my companion. The dog didn’t bark nor give us time to pick up rock so just like any other day I reeled back and went for his head. It was a direct hit; good contact was made. The dog’s body was flipped completely around from the momentum of the kick and too this day I can’t remember a dog I ever kicked harder. It wasn’t but a second later that the entire situation changed. See instead of running like all dogs did, this dog landed on its feet… spun around… and lunged back at me. Completely taken aback by its reaction to the kick, before I knew it the dog had a mouth full of my leg. I remember thinking as the dogs teethed punctured my pants and tour into the flesh “this dog is crazy!”, see I was in uncharted territory, not knowing what to do I looked over at my experienced native companion for help only to find him completely shocked by the turn of events, but even worse then his physical demeanor was the look in his eyes, which read “your... gunna die…” The details are a little fuzzy but after some struggle the dog let go and jogged off. I survived the attack to say the least, but will always remember the day I ran into El Perro Loco!

So the moral of todays post is “if you think something or someone is crazy, do not, I repeat DO NOT kick them in the head….because it just don’t work!!”

Dew-ing it!!

Why do the dew one might ask? Because a great football player once said "there's dews and there's don’ts and you don’t dew the don’ts!" (Some BYU linbacker last week on local radio)

I know this is a odd way to start ones blog but when I think back on my life doing the dew has played a significant roll in it. For example I grew to love MD at my first job (Taco Bell) so its easy to see how I probably related MD with monetary success (back in the day I was making $3.65/hr). In college I was a poor student and was consuming mass amounts of MD everyday(64-128 oz.), it was during this time that I met my wife, so again my highly acute mind has associated MD to a kind of aphrodisiac for woman, cuz lets face it those that know me can attest to my looks! Next is my friends, everyone of them knows that when you come to my place to watch the big game or a good flick no one will have to go halfsies with someone else for a MD, there has always been and will always be a supply of MD (even though they never have MD for me when I go to there place).
From this tail we can all surmise the following, that worldly success, love and friendship are all byproducts of Mountain Dew.

In closing I would like to quote one of the great word-smiths of our time “What have he did that Karl Malone have not did!” (Karl Malone, NBA Player 1998) I don’t really know what that means but this blog is officially OPEN!